Thursday, May 8, 2014

News: Baby Mamas In Tag-Team Taser Assault Of Daddy

Bitches ain't playin'. From The Smoking Gun.
Baby Mamas In Tag-Team Taser Assault Of Daddy

MAY 7--A South Carolina man was pummeled and tased yesterday afternoon by his “baby’s mama” and his “other baby’s mama,” who teamed up to ambush and assault the father of their children since he “has a new girlfriend,” cops report.

According to a Spartanburg Police Department report, Rodrick Tucker, 21, told officers that Tabitha Martin, 23, invited him to her apartment Tuesday.

Tucker, who described Martin as his “baby’s mama,” added that when he arrived at the residence, Martin invited him into the bedroom. Tucker told police that “once he was lying on the bed” in Martin’s apartment, Courtney Littlejohn--his “other baby’s mama”--entered the bedroom.

Tucker, who was likely expecting an afternoon delight, quickly became the target of a tag-team attack.

The women, Tucker told police, yanked him off the bed and began “repeatedly punching him in the face and head.”

After escaping the bedroom, Tucker said he was “again knocked to the floor.” He added that Littlejohn, 23, “sat on top of him, not allowing him to get up.”

(read more)

Ultra-Condensed Movies Of The Day

Movies stripped bare. From Movie-A-Minute.

GOOD WILL HUNTING

Matt Damon: I'm smart, but so what? Let's start fights and pick up chicks.

Robin Williams: If you push people away, they can't be close to you.

Matt Damon: SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP you fixed me thank you I love you. (cries)

THE END

THE SIXTH SENSE

Haley Joel Osment: I see dead people.

Bruce Willis: Try talking to them.

Haley Joel Osment: It worked.

THE END

RETURN OF THE JEDI

Darth Vader: Luke, come to the dark side.

Luke: No.

Darth Vader: Your goodness has redeemed me. Die, emperor scum.

THE END

IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE

James Stewart: I'm useless.

Henry Travers: Don't say that. The happiness of the entire universe depends on your existence.

James Stewart: Hooray!

THE END

BATMAN AND ROBIN

Arnold Schwarzenegger: Ice to meet you.

Producers: We may have created the worst movie in history.

THE END

CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND

(Airplanes are found in the desert.)

Researchers: Wow!

(UFOs appear over Richard Dreyfuss' house.)

Richard Dreyfuss: Wow!

(UFOs appear over Devil's Tower.)

All: Wow!

THE END

ERIN BROCKOVICH

Julia Roberts: I'm a jerk, but I'm brilliant. Give me a job, you fountain of scummy pain evil.

Albert Finney: Ok.

Julia Roberts: This company is poisoning water. Let's fry their ugly hides in extract of hell.

(They DO, and it is HEARTWARMING.)

THE END

GREASE

John Travolta: I like you, but you're not cool enough.

Olivia Newton-John: What if I dress like a slut?

John Travolta: Now that you're not who you are, I can love you for who I wanted you to be.

THE END

THE HORSE WHISPERER

Kristin Scott Thomas: I'm obsessive-compulsive, my daughter broke her leg, and I don't love my husband. Robert Redford, you can save us all if only you'll fix our horse.

Robert Redford: Ok, but you're annoying.

(Robert Redford STARES at the horse, thereby making it ALL BETTER.)

Kristin Scott Thomas: I love you.

THE END

THE FILMS OF DAVID LYNCH

Some Woman: I do enjoy my nice, idyllic lifestyle, but I hope that underneath my seemingly perfect suburban world there is corruption and evil.

(SOME WOMAN discovers her OWN CORPSE and is ARRESTED.)

Midget: Someday that gum you like is going to come back in style.

Hit Man (laughs cryptically)

(An EYE is slit open with a RAZOR BLADE. We learn that SOMEBODY was really SOME WOMAN all along, and they were on the MOON.)

THE END

PRETTY WOMAN

Julia Roberts: I'm a hooker, but I don't kiss on the lips.

Richard Gere: I have a lot of money.

Julia Roberts: (smooch)

THE END

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