Tuesday, July 30, 2013

News: School Of The Arts Aims To Transform Boys And Girls Into Insufferable Young Men And Women

From The Onion.
School Of The Arts Aims To Transform Boys And Girls Into Insufferable Young Men And Women

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting that its incoming class of high school freshmen is their most coddled to date, instructors at Chestnut Ridge Academy for the Arts told an education conference this week that its mission is to take bright, precocious boys and girls and transform them into insufferable young adults. 

“Here at Chestnut Ridge, we are dedicated to providing artistically gifted young people with the resources they need to blossom into entitled, condescending men and women with an inflated sense of self-importance and accomplishment,” Principal Madeleine Healey told conference attendees, noting that the school has already graduated thousands of budding young narcissists with zero sense of shame or perspective.

“Of course, many of our students are already immensely smug and self-satisfied when they arrive. But after years of only talking about themselves and receiving undeserved praise from everyone around them, they’ll leave our doors more pompous and unbearable than we ever thought possible.” 

Healey added that anyone skeptical about the merits of an arts education should examine the school’s track record, as their alumni have gone on to have completely bullshit careers in the arts all over the world.

News: Man Stops Karaoke With Shovel

From News.com.au.
Queensland man stops karaoke with shovel

July 30, 2013

Village People famously sang the line, "Nobody can stop the music".

Well, apparently all it takes is a party pooper with a shovel.

Police are looking for a man who was so fed up with the musical talents of guests at a karaoke party in Tully in far north Queensland on Friday night he took matters into his own hands.

He allegedly entered the Pease St home just before midnight, smashed the machine with a shovel and left.

He's described as being of Caucasian appearance, approximately 175cm tall with a proportionate build, aged in his 50s with blond and grey hair and a moustache.

Photoshopped Celebrity Bobbleheads Of The Day

From this guy.


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