Thursday, November 1, 2012

News: Mood In Car Takes Grim Turn After Dad Misses Exit

It's funny because it's true. From The Onion.

Mood In Car Takes Grim Turn After Dad Misses Exit

LYNNVILLE, IN—The atmosphere inside the Lowery family car became gravely serious Saturday morning immediately after father and driver Chris Lowery, 44, missed the highway exit he was supposed to take, backseat sources confirmed.

“Well, we missed the exit,” Lowery said in a terse tone of voice that, within seconds, reportedly reversed the genial mood that had characterized the trip up until that moment, and cast a dire pall felt by everyone in the automobile. 

“We missed the goddamn exit.”

“Christ,” he added, gripping the steering wheel tighter and sitting forward in his seat.

Sources indicated that the realization immediately halted all conversation and prompted Lowery to curtly switch the radio off, which left behind a tense silence punctuated only by the erratic palpitation of the car’s wheels as they rolled across irregularities in the pavement.

“I told you to watch out for it,” Lowery said after some time, addressing his wife. “Karen, didn’t I tell you to watch out for the exit?”

After her husband tersely dismissed her suggestion that perhaps he should have been paying more attention to the road, the atmosphere in the car became even more grim, witnesses reported, and Karen Lowery stopped talking altogether and began looking down at her phone.


News: Drunk Lawyer Gets Stuck In Garbage Chute Trying To Get Into Own Apartment

Lindsey Lohan meets Augustus Gloop. From
Thanks for the link, Amy Carey.

Drunk NYC Lawyer Nearly Loses Arm After Locking Herself Out of Apartment

by Julian Kimble

Attorney Maggie Baumer locked herself out of her Manhattan apartment on Friday night, and launched an intoxicated plan to break into her apartment. 

Baumer realized that she had given her keys to a friend, so rather than pay a locksmith, she decided to break in through the building's garbage chute

Baumer rang the buzzer on the exterior of her apartment building until someone let her inside, then decided to break into her apartment through the building's garden. 

The garden is only accessible through a cellar, which was apparently only accessible through a garbage chute.

After diving head first down the chute, Baumer got her arm caught in the motion-triggered trash compactor. 

Her arm was nearly severed. Rescue workers had to shut the building's power off and give her morphine to numb the pain. 

Baumer was trapped for a painful hour before being freed. 

October "Found Porn" Roundup

One of our best months all year for found filth, thanks to Leisa, Mark, Cyndi, Terri, Chris, Rachel H., Cam, Rachael P., Glenda, Amanda, Dani, Bianca, CJ, and Steve.


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