Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Map Of The Day: Scary USA

Hipsters. Ha!

News Of The Day: Pregnant Woman Craves Roadkill

"I get the best meat from friends who ring me up to tell me about a kill they've spotted on their way to work." From Metro UK.

Pregnant woman develops bizarre craving for roadkill

By Aaron-Spencer Charles - 8th November, 2011

Artist and taxidermist Alison Brierley has found herself craving feasts of roadkill as a result of her pregnancy.

The 42-year-old has been eating an array of animals killed along her local roads in Harrogate, North Yorkshire.

Brierley often used her roadkill to make jewellery from their hides, but now the mum-to-be has gone full throttle with her new diet.

'Usually I eat really healthily but now I'm pregnant I get strong cravings for roadkill,' explained Brierley. 'It's more gamey than other meat and I love the taste. I also don't have to feel guilty about eating it because I know it's had a completely free range and natural life.'

Ms Brierley has eaten hare, deer, pigeon, rabbit and owls, with pheasant being the most prevalent of her dishes.

'I would like to try fox and badger but they're never in good enough condition to eat; although I have used them for my artwork.’ said Brierley.

The 42-year-old admitted she has even hosted roadkill dinner parties for friends.

'They trust me and they know I'm a good cook so I think they love it. I get the best meat from friends who ring me up to tell me about a kill they've spotted on their way to work,' she added.

Eating fresh roadkill is something close to Brierley's heart as she believes in an alternative food lifestyle.

‘One of the big reasons for being public about this is that I want to raise awareness about where food actually comes from’, said Alison. ‘Some people are so blasé about picking their food off a supermarket shelf without giving a thought to how it lived or how it was killed.’

Ladies: what did you crave when you were pregnant? Besides sleep, that is.

Bart Simpson's Top 101 Blackboard Punishments Of The Day

I will not instigate revolution

I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes"

Garlic gum is not funny

I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom

I will not encourage others to fly

Tar is not a plaything

I will not do that thing with my tongue

I will not cut corners
(Written only on top line, with hatch marks “ “ on subsequent lines)

I will not grease the monkey bars

I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment

I will not show off
(Written in Olde English font)

Spitwads are not free speech

Nobody likes sunburn slappers

I will finish what I sta
(On one line; the rest is blank)

I will not torment the emotionally frail

I will not carve gods

I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty

I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge

My name is not Dr. Death

I will not defame New Orleans
(After the city of New Orleans complained about the opening song in "Oh, Streetcar!")

I will not bury the new kid

A burp is not an answer

No one is interested in my underpants

I do not have diplomatic immunity

My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man

I am not delightfully saucy

Organ transplants are best left to the professionals

The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan

I will not celebrate meaningless milestones
(In the 100th episode)

There are plenty of businesses like show business

I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball

Five days is not too long to wait for a gun

Beans are neither fruit nor musical

I will not use abbrev.

I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr.

Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the Principal

Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does

I do not have power of attorney over first graders

Nerve gas is not a toy

I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface

This is not a clue...or is it?
(In the episode rumored to contain clues to the identity of Mr. Burns' shooter)

I will not complain about the solution when I hear it
(In the episode where Mr. Burns’ shooter is revealed)

No one wants to hear from my armpits

Indian burns are not our cultural heritage

I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist

I am not certified to remove asbestos

The truth is not out there

I am not licensed to do anything

I will not hide the teacher's Prozac

I no longer want my MTV

Everyone is tired of that Richard Gere story

There was no Roman god named "Fartacus"

Rudolph's red nose is not alcohol-related

Silly String is not a nasal spray

I will not demand what I'm worth
(A reference to the holdout of the cast for more money)

I will not mess with the opening credits
(In place of the couch opening; the rest of the family runs into the classroom)

I will not scream for ice cream

Sherri does not "got back"

No one wants to hear about my sciatica

Hillbillies are people too

I cannot absolve sins

A trained ape could not teach gym

I have neither been there nor done that

Pork is not a verb

I did not win the Nobel Fart Prize

I can't see dead people

I will not sell my kidney on eBay

Class clown is not a paid position

Substitute teachers are not scabs

My suspension was not "mutual"

"Non-Flammable" is not a challenge

I was not touched "there" by an angel

I am not here on a fartball scholarship

I cannot hire a substitute student

I will not obey the voices in my head

I will not plant subliminal messagores

I will not surprise the incontinent

I am not the acting President
(A reference to the 2000 Presidential election, whose winner had still not been determined when this episode aired)

I will only provide a urine sample when asked

The nurse is not dealing

Science class should not end in tragedy

Network TV is not dead

I will not "let the dogs out"

The hamster did not have "a full life"

Today is not Mothra's day (Mother's Day, 2001)

I should not be twenty-one by now
(Bart would be 21 in the 12th season if he was 10 in the first season, which ended in 1990, and he aged normally)

Nobody reads these anymore

Fun does not have a size

I will not bite the hand that feeds me Butterfingers

The giving tree is not a chump

I will never lie about being cancelled again
(A reference to Matt Groening commenting in an interview that the show was "closer to winding it up." Groening later claimed he was "misquoted")

Milhouse did not test cootie positive

This school does not need a "regime change"

SpongeBob is not a contraceptive

My pen is not a booger launcher

Sandwiches should not contain sand

Over forty & single is not funny

I will not speculate on how hot teacher used to be

Does any kid still do this anymore?

I am not smarter than the President

Teacher was not dumped -- it was mutual

Je ne parle pas Français

Frankincense is not a monster

Global warming did not eat my homework

I will not wait 20 years to make another movie

The Pilgrims were not illegal aliens

The capital of Montana is not "Hannah"

The art teacher is fat, not pregnant

Via The Simpsons Archive

Vid Of The Day: When Harry Met Sally 2

Best comment: "Someone please make this instead of another Fast & Furious movie.

From Funny or Die. It's a little bloody. Yes, bloody.


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