Thursday, July 7, 2011

June Tagline Roundup

Wherein we revisit last month's taglines and discover what they mean.

I asked Timothy Leary. He couldn't help me either.

Your windsong
stays on my mind

Why do you ask,
Two Dogs F*cking?

Gunpowder, treason and plot

Say "What?" one more time!

"Quod erat demonstrandum. Ooh, you speak French!"

Like a midget at a urinal, I had to stay on my toes.

They took from her the one thing they said she never had. - Promo line written by one of my former cable TV co-workers. All her scripts were howlingly bad, but this one was our favorite. I don't remember what show or movie it was for.

Slim knew that his big sack would be tough to handle.

Take Stork here... everybody thought Stork was brain-damaged.

Holding hands
while the walls come tumbling down.

I would rather fight than switch.

Come hug my neck, Cay-ree. - Something my aunts used to say to me when I'd see them at Christmas. That's how they pronounced my name.

If ifs and buts were candy and nuts, we'd all have a merry Christmas. - Old saying meant to prod slackers and excuse-makers.

What the hell is an aluminum falcon?

Don't pick a
prickly pear by the paw, when you pick a pear try to use the claw.

Side effects may include nausea, flatulence, vaginal flatulence (queef), colitis, bursitis, scoliosis, spicoliosis, dizziness, tizziness, hallucinations, fever, yellow fever, Pac-Man fever, paranoia, paraplegia, dyspepsia, distemper, rabies, scabies, urolagnia, uremia, dementia, absentia, rectal prolapse (ass tulip), dry heaves, dry humping, uncontrollable flexing of the sphincter, frothing at the mouth, homicidal ideation, death or an intense desire to be dead, anal leakage and mood swings. - My own version of the side-effect blurb in every drug commercial.

My name's Albert Andreas Armadillo. (No relation to the Sarsaparillas.)

elders, fleet and strong and wise, appear before my seeking eyes

Take the
phone off the hook and disappear for a while

A square with a horn makes you wish you weren't born

Sir Ian Sir Ian Sir Ian Sir Ian Action!
WIZARD YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!! Cut! Sir Ian Sir Ian Sir Ian Sir Ian

It wasn't that you threw the ball in the dining room and almost hit my china cabinet. It's that you told your sister you were gonna "knock her head off." - My grandmother's explanation of why I was the only one of her ten grandchildren to receive a spanking from her, from a story she told repeatedly, even into my 30s.

Wunderkind Of The Day (video)

In case you missed it on my FB page last night. This fella (FreddeGredde) has furious skillz; check out his other vids.

10 Dating Truths You Shouldn't Ignore (Of The Day)

One for the ladies, from Cosmo. Yet another article that makes me glad I've been out of the dating pool since 1985.

By Holly Eagleston (for

Sure, every guy is different, but when you've gone out with enough of them (and, ahem, we have) you start to see some patterns. Here, Cosmo's incontrovertible dating dictums.

You'll regret that "Just wanted to make sure you got my last message" follow-up to an e-mail, text, or voicemail.

If you don't feel comfortable having a conversation with a guy about sex — especially condoms — you shouldn't be getting busy with him.

If a man breaks up with you out of the blue, the out-of-the-blue part is really only on your end.

Just as it's best to wait to drop the L-bomb until your man does, let a guy change his Facebook status to "in a relationship" before you do.

No woman in a healthy long-term relationship has ever said, "Gee, I really wish I'd slept with my man sooner."

Keeping a change of clothes at work in case of an emergency walk of shame isn't optimistic's career-savvy.

When a guy repeatedly refers to his exes as "crazy," "psycho," or "sluts," he will use those same words against you one day.

If a relationship feels like too much work after the first month, it'll be ten times harder a year from now.

A guy who rates you or other girls as a number from 1 to 10 is a loser, even if he gives you a 10. You're a woman, not county fair livestock.

A guy who talks about how skilled he is in the sack is like a man who brags about his money. Either way, he ain't got it. The kind of man you want to be with knows that actions speak louder than words.

Do you agree with these? Got any to add?


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