Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Future Recovering Alcoholic Of The Day

Another spring formal, another arrest. Must be something in the water. Or the booze.

From The Smoking Gun, of course.


MAY 17--Meet Jessica Halter.

The Ohio student, 18, was arrested Saturday night at her high school prom after she drunkenly assaulted a policeman, tried to kick a paramedic, and spewed a "bloody ball of spit" at one cop.

According to a Lorain Police Department report, an officer working the North Ridgeville High School prom was approached by school administrators who had received several complaints about the "highly intoxicated" Halter. When told of these complaints, Halter replied, "This is my fucking prom, this is bullshit."

Halter, her speech slurred, denied drinking alcohol and cursed out the school's principal and assistant principal.

"You are fucking bitches, this is my prom, I'm not drunk," said Halter.

After refusing to take a Breathalyzer test, Halter attempted to swing a chair at cops, and then began "smacking her forehead into the chair handle causing her nose to bleed."

While being handcuffed, Halter "began kicking, screaming, spitting and thrashing about." As she was walked out of DeLuca's catering hall, Halter--screaming obscenities--"let her legs go limp," so officers had to carry the teen to a patrol car.

That is when Halter "cleared her throat and spit a bloody ball of spit" at Officer Kyle Gelenius, whose name tag was ripped from his uniform by Halter during the confrontation.

Seated in the back of the cruiser, Halter "continued to spit blood on the windows, the divider, and the roof," and kicked the vehicle's window.

For her prom night meltdown, Halter was booked into the Lorain County jail (where she posed for the mug shot above) and charged with assaulting a cop, resisting arrest, disorderly conduct, and underage drinking.

(Read more at The Smoking Gun).

Top 100 Songs Of The 90s

List below. But first, two of my favorites.

VH1's 100 Greatest Songs of the 90s
  1. Nirvana - "Smells Like Teen Spirit" (1991, #6 US)
  2. U2 - "One" (1991, #10 US)
  3. Backstreet Boys - "I Want It That Way" (1999, #6 US)
  4. Whitney Houston - "I Will Always Love You" (1992, #1 US)
  5. Madonna - "Vogue" (1990, #1 US)
  6. Sir Mix-A-Lot - "Baby Got Back" (1992, #1 US)
  7. Britney Spears - "...Baby One More Time" (1999, #1 US)
  8. TLC - "Waterfalls" (1994, #1 US)
  9. R.E.M. - "Losing My Religion" (1991, #4 US)
  10. Sinéad O'Connor - "Nothing Compares 2 U" (1990, #1 US)
  11. Pearl Jam - "Jeremy" (1991, #79 US)
  12. Alanis Morissette - "You Oughta Know" (1995)
  13. Dr. Dre (featuring Snoop Doggy Dogg) - "Nuthin' but a "G" Thang" (1992, #2 US)
  14. Mariah Carey - "Vision of Love" (1990, #1 US)
  15. Red Hot Chili Peppers - "Under the Bridge" (1991, #2 US)
  16. MC Hammer - "U Can't Touch This" (1990, #8 US)
  17. Destiny's Child - "Say My Name" (1999, #1 US)
  18. Metallica - "Enter Sandman" (1991, #16 US)
  19. Beastie Boys - "Sabotage" (1994)
  20. Hanson - "MMMBop" (1997, #1 US)
  21. Celine Dion - "My Heart Will Go On" (1997, #1 US)
  22. Beck - "Loser" (1994, #10 US)
  23. Salt-N-Pepa with En Vogue - "Whatta Man" (1993, #3 US)
  24. House of Pain - "Jump Around" (1992, #3 US)
  25. Soundgarden - "Black Hole Sun" (1994)
  26. Eminem - "My Name Is" (1999, #26 US)
  27. Counting Crows - "Mr. Jones" (1993)
  28. Ricky Martin - "Livin' la Vida Loca" (1999, #1 US)
  29. Vanilla Ice - "Ice Ice Baby" (1990, #1 US)
  30. *NSYNC - "Tearin' Up My Heart" (1998)
  31. Radiohead - "Creep" (1993)
  32. BLACKstreet - "No Diggity" (1996, #1 US)
  33. Spice Girls - "Wannabe" (1997, #1 US)
  34. Third Eye Blind - "Semi-Charmed Life" (1997, #4 US)
  35. Oasis - "Wonderwall" (1995, #8 US)
  36. C+C Music Factory - "Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now)" (1991, #1 US)
  37. Green Day - "Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)" (1998)
  38. Christina Aguilera - "Genie In A Bottle" (1999, #1 US)
  39. Goo Goo Dolls - "Iris" (1998)
  40. Color Me Badd - "I Wanna Sex You Up" (1991, #2 US)
  41. Spin Doctors - "Two Princes" (1993, #7 US)
  42. Collective Soul - "Shine" (1994, #11 US)
  43. En Vogue - "My Lovin' (You're Never Gonna Get It)" (1992, #2 US)
  44. The Fugees - "Killing Me Softly With His Song" (1996)
  45. Hootie & the Blowfish - "Only Wanna Be With You" (1995, #6 US)
  46. Shania Twain - "You're Still the One" (1998, #2 US)
  47. Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch - "Good Vibrations" (1991, #1 US)
  48. Matchbox Twenty - "3 A.M." (1997)
  49. Jewel - "Who Will Save Your Soul" (1996, #11 US)
  50. Alice in Chains - "Man in the Box" (1990)
  51. 2Pac (featuring Dr. Dre and Roger Troutman) - "California Love" (1996, #6 US)
  52. Sugar Ray - "Fly" (1997)
  53. Naughty by Nature - "O.P.P." (1991, #6 US)
  54. Joan Osborne - "One of Us" (1995, #4 US)
  55. Fiona Apple - "Criminal" (1996, #21 US)
  56. L.L. Cool J - "Mama Said Knock You Out" (1990, #17 US)
  57. Jay-Z featuring Amil and Ja Rule - "Can I Get A..." (1998)
  58. Sophie B. Hawkins - "Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover" (1992, #5 US)
  59. Weezer - "Buddy Holly" (1994)
  60. Bell Biv DeVoe - "Poison" (1990, #2 US)
  61. Sheryl Crow - "All I Wanna Do" (1993, #2 US)
  62. Live - "I Alone" (1994)
  63. The Notorious B.I.G. featuring Mase & Puff Daddy - "Mo Money Mo Problems" (1997, #1 US)
  64. The Presidents of the United States of America - "Peaches" (1995)
  65. Digital Underground - "The Humpty Dance" (1990, #11 US)
  66. Edwin McCain - "I'll Be" (1998, #5 US)
  67. Deee-Lite - "Groove Is In The Heart" (1990, #4 US)
  68. Will Smith - "Gettin' Jiggy Wit It" (1998, #1 US)
  69. Korn - "Freak on a Leash" (1998)
  70. Jamiroquai - "Virtual Insanity" (1997)
  71. Arrested Development - "Tennessee" (1992, #6 US)
  72. Barenaked Ladies - "One Week" (1998, #1 US)
  73. Marcy Playground - "Sex and Candy" (1998, #5 US)
  74. Cher - "Believe" (1999, #1 US)
  75. Kris Kross - "Jump" (1992, #1 US)
  76. Blues Traveler - "Run-around" (1995, #8 US)
  77. Ice Cube - "It Was a Good Day" (1992, #15 US)
  78. Lenny Kravitz - "Are You Gonna Go My Way" (1993)
  79. Meredith Brooks - "Bitch" (1997, #2 US)
  80. Right Said Fred - "I'm Too Sexy" (1992, #1 US)
  81. Paula Cole - "I Don't Want to Wait" (1997, #11 US)
  82. Geto Boys - "Mind Playing Tricks on Me" (1991, #23 US)
  83. The Breeders - "Cannonball" (1993)
  84. Snow - "Informer" (1993, #1 US)
  85. Cypress Hill - "Insane In The Brain" (1993, #19 US)
  86. The Cranberries - "Linger" (1993, #8 US)
  87. Billy Ray Cyrus - "Achy Breaky Heart" (1992, #4 US)
  88. Duncan Sheik - "Barely Breathing" (1997, #16 US)
  89. Liz Phair - "Never Said" (1993)
  90. New Radicals - "You Get What You Give" (1998, #37 US)
  91. Sarah McLachlan - "Building a Mystery" (1997, #13 US)
  92. Public Enemy - "911 Is a Joke" (1990)
  93. Lisa Loeb - "Stay (I Missed You)" (1994, #1 US)
  94. Fastball - "The Way" (1998)
  95. Montell Jordan - "This Is How We Do It" (1995, #1 US)
  96. Nelson - "(Can't Live Without Your) Love and Affection" (1990, #1 US)
  97. Prince & The New Power Generation - "Gett Off" (1991, #27 US)
  98. EMF - "Unbelievable" (1991, #1 US)
  99. Missy Elliott - "The Rain (Supa Dupa Fly)" (1997)
  100. Gerardo - "Rico Suave" (1991, #7 US)

Honest Liquor Labels Of The Day

I drank an O'Doul's once... and then farted non-stop for about 6 days.

From Karen and HolyTaco.com

Environmental Solution Of The Day: Gulf Oil Leak

Finally, someone is thinking. From The Borowitz Report.

May 25, 2010

Experts Propose Plugging Oil Leak with BP Executives

Submerging Execs Could Be 'Win-Win'

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – At a conference of oil leak experts in Washington today, attendees proposed plugging the massive oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico with executives of BP, the company responsible for the catastrophic spill.

“We’ve tried containment domes, rubber tires, and even golf balls,” said William Cathermeyer of the National Oil Leakage Institute, a leading consultancy in the field of oil leaks. “Now it’s time to shove some BP executives down there and hope for the best.”

Submerging the oil company executives thousands of feet below the ocean’s surface could be a “win-win” situation, Mr. Cathermeyer said.

“Best-case scenario, they plug the leak,” he said. “And at the very least, they’ll shut the fuck up.”

But even as the oil leak experts proposed their unorthodox solution, environmental expert Marilyn Sufranski warned of the possible negative consequences of plugging the oil leak with BP executives.

“The Gulf of Mexico is slimy enough already,” she said.

More here.

Vid Of The Day: Get Out Of There

Get out of there!

Ultra-Condensed Movies Of The Day

Movies stripped bare. From Movie-A-Minute.


Matt Damon: I'm smart, but so what? Let's start fights and pick up chicks.

Robin Williams: If you push people away, they can't be close to you.

Matt Damon: SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP you fixed me thank you I love you. (cries)



Arnold Schwarzenegger: Ice to meet you.

Producers: We may have created the worst movie in history.



Haley Joel Osment: I see dead people.

Bruce Willis: Try talking to them.

Haley Joel Osment: It worked.



Darth Vader: Luke, come to the dark side.

Luke: No.

Darth Vader: Your goodness has redeemed me. Die, emperor scum.



James Stewart: I'm useless.

Henry Travers: Don't say that. The happiness of the entire universe depends on your existence.

James Stewart: Hooray!



(Airplanes are found in the desert.)

Researchers: Wow!

(UFOs appear over Richard Dreyfuss' house.)

Richard Dreyfuss: Wow!

(UFOs appear over Devil's Tower.)

All: Wow!



Julia Roberts: I'm a jerk, but I'm brilliant. Give me a job, you fountain of scummy pain evil.

Albert Finney: Ok.

Julia Roberts: This company is poisoning water. Let's fry their ugly hides in extract of hell.

(They DO, and it is HEARTWARMING.)



(A train WRECKS, and it is COOL.)

Tommy Lee Jones: We must find the fugitive. Check every type of house.

(Tommy Lee Jones chases Harrison Ford but finds out he is innocent.)

Harrison Ford: I'm glad I don't have to run away anymore.



Kevin Costner: Though I am a simple victim of circumstance, a pretender, I am also a metaphor for the rebirth of the collective American unconscious, quickened again from its own ashes.

Townsfolk: That's nice. Deliver these letters, please.



John Travolta: I like you, but you're not cool enough.

Olivia Newton-John: What if I dress like a slut?

John Travolta: Now that you're not who you are, I can love you for who I wanted you to be.



Kristin Scott Thomas: I'm obsessive-compulsive, my daughter broke her leg, and I don't love my husband. Robert Redford, you can save us all if only you'll fix our horse.

Robert Redford: Ok, but you're annoying.

(Robert Redford STARES at the horse, thereby making it ALL BETTER.)

Kristin Scott Thomas: I love you.



All: Expletive. The leads, the leads. These are expletive leads. Expletive expletive expletive. It's all about the expletive leads.



Some Woman: I do enjoy my nice, idyllic lifestyle, but I hope that underneath my seemingly perfect suburban world there is corruption and evil.

(SOME WOMAN discovers her OWN CORPSE and is ARRESTED.)

Midget: Someday that gum you like is going to come back in style.

Hit Man (laughs cryptically)

(An EYE is slit open with a RAZOR BLADE. We learn that SOMEBODY was really SOME WOMAN all along, and they were on the MOON.)



Julia Roberts: I'm a hooker, but I don't kiss on the lips.

Richard Gere: I have a lot of money.

Julia Roberts: (smooch)



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