Wednesday, June 18, 2008

80s Music Video Of The Day

A very early MTV staple that reminds me of my h.s. girlfriend's basement (she had cable, I didn't). We liked the song so much we'd even stop making out long enough to watch the vid. Because it was so high-tech and cool, obviously.

And now you find yourself in '82.


Article Of The Day: How To Shave Your Testicles

An incredibly well-researched and enlightening article from the great minds at Many thanks to Big Lew, who sent me links to this and many other wonderful eHow articles to come.

I took the liberty of adding/revising a few things. For starters, I got tired of the word "testicles," so I used some other terms instead.

How to Shave Your Testicles

By Aiken Scrote, eHow Fashion, Style & Personal Care Editor

No man likes the concept of taking a razor to his testicles. Somehow the two just don't mix very well. But shaving your testicles isn't as ominous as you might think if you take the necessary safety precautions. Like not doing it at all. But, if you insist…

Things You’ll Need:

* Electric shaver or razor
* Baby powder or paper towels
* Tequila
* Bandages

Step 1

Shave your figs with a standard razor and some shaving cream by positioning them in front of a mirror with a cup of warm water. Soak your razor in the warm water for a few minutes before you get started. Soak your fruit basket in ice cold water until it's numb.

If using an electric razor, first pat your nuggets dry with paper towels or by applying baby powder to them. If you are going to use an electric razor, you need your Vidalia funyons to be perfectly dry. They gather moisture from the natural oils your skin produces, so you want to gather up as much moisture as possible before you get started.

Step 2

Pull the skin of your wrinkle bag tight so you can effectively shave. The scrotum is sensitive (yeah, just a little) so you want to be extremely careful – especially if you decide to use a standard razor to do the job, and especially if it's the same one your woman uses on her legs.

Step 3

Make very few strokes with your razor if possible – zero, ideally. Your love marbles are a very sensitive part of your body. The fewer strokes you have to make, the better. Have a towel underneath you to catch any hairs or shaving cream that might drip, and a pan to catch any blood or chunks of skin. Rinse your razor blade in the warm water frequently to keep the blade clean. Take a swig of tequila between each stroke.

Step 4

Use a circular motion with your electric shaver to shave your acorns clean. However, if this starts to feel too good, stop immediately, as an orgasm will cause your hacky-sac to tighten, making it harder to shave. Go over your baby beans with your electric shaver as many times as necessary to achieve clean-shaven results. Then later, when you shave your face with the same razor, try not to think about where it’s been.

Step 5

Shave your man-pouch regularly if you want the scratching to stop. A couple of days after shaving, you might notice that stubbles are coming back. But if you shave your snake eyes on a regular basis a few times, your hairs will soften and the stubbles won't bother you at all.

CD Of The Day: Momofuku


No matter what your age or musical acumen, you can probably recall or hum an Elvis Costello tune — and hearing the tracks “Alison,” “Everyday I Write the Book,” and “(What’s So Funny ’Bout) Peace, Love, and Understanding” can transport you to a different time in your life.

Although Costello has teamed up with many talented performers during his 30-year career (Bill Frisell, Burt Bacharach, Allen Toussaint), it is his collaborations with his own bands — the Imposters and their forerunners, the Attractions — that have always seemed to bring out his best work. So we’re thrilled that Costello taps the Imposters for his excellent new release, Momofuku.

The title is a tribute to Momofuku “Mr. Noodle” Ando, the inventor of the world’s first instant noodles — perhaps a wink and nod to the fact that the record was recorded in about a week.

The resulting 12 tracks are a splendid old-school tapestry of R&B, new wave, and make-you-bounce rock and roll. Costello has put out one of the most intricate and fresh-sounding records of the year.

Buy it here and support LOTD. Thanks!

Vid Of The Day: Cucumber Sandwich

More funny goodness from Amy.


100 Top TV Shows Of All Time

As selected by Time magazine. Each title links to Time's commentary on why it was chosen and a clip.

I'm glad to see: Beavis & Butthead, Lost, Freaks & Geeks, Larry Sanders, both versions of The Office, Alfred Hitchcock, Pee Wee's Playhouse, Leave It To Beaver.

Huh?: Sex & The City, Felicity, Wiseguy, Buffalo Bill, Six Feet Under (overrated), SpongeBob (it's a fine kids' show but not Top 100 material).

A very special LOTD shout-out to: M*A*S*H, which makes every "best TV show" list ever made. Can I share a little secret with you? Come a little closer so you can hear me. Ready?
M*A*S*H sucks. (audience gasps) Yes, that's right. Let me repeat. M*A*S*H S*U*C*K*S! I don't care how "classic" it is. I don't care how many "best of" lists it makes. I don't care how many Emmys it won. It sucks donkey balls. The show isn't funny. The two-hour series finale that everybody in America watched back in 1980 or whenever? It SUCKED. Hard. I read a statistic once that a kabillion toilets across America flushed simultaneously right after the M*A*S*H finale ended, and I wasn't at all surprised, because that finale -- like the entire series -- was a giant turd that needed to go. Sorry, kids. The truth hurts, but I owe it to you. Because I care about you. (And if you love M*A*S*H, great, we all have shitty taste sometimes. I like Foghat.)

Wasted picks: "MTV 1981-1992," The Day After, "The Super Bowl (And Its Ads)," and other events, movies, networks, decades, whatever that don't belong here.

Has Time never heard of: The Andy Griffith Show, The Rockford Files, The Brady Bunch, Laugh-In, E.R., Lonesome Dove (as long as we're including miniseries), The Waltons, Charlie's Angels (yeah, it sucked, but it was groundbreaking). All better than M*A*S*H*.


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