Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Guest List: Stupid Questions About Reproduction

Today's Guest List is from the inimitable Princess Pi, who works in the wild n' wacky field of reproductive medicine. I'll hand the mic over to her now...

Stupid reproductive medicine questions

The patients aren't stupid, but the questions most definitely are. Anyone who said “There’s no such thing as stupid questions” was stupid themselves, and was probably just repeating what their mama always said to them whilst growing up so they wouldn’t feel as stupid as they actually were.

1. Do I have to hold my breath during my entire ultrasound appointment?

This particular ultrasound appointment was for a DUS -- Penile Doppler Ultrasound -- and lasts for 30 minutes.

2. Is it possible that my saliva killed my husband’s sperm?

3. Conversation between me and a patient:

Me: Prior to coming in for your semen analysis test, you need to abstain from ejaculation for at least two days, but no more than four days.

Patient: But how am I supposed to do that? I haven’t ejaculated in two weeks, and my wife’s not with me.

Me: Then you can masturbate.

Patient: Masturbate? How do I do that? I’ve never done that before.

No, unfortunately, he wasn’t kidding.

4. Where’s the VIP waiting room?

5. This isn’t a question, but it is pretty frickin’ stupid. A patient called and said he was experiencing pain. He was asked to describe the pain.

Patient: "Well, it starts like a circle, then turns into a square, and's a porkchop."


Medical staff: "It's shaped like a porkchop?"

Patient: "No, it's a porkchop."

6. Is it possible to extract sperm from someone who’s been deceased for one week if he hasn’t been buried yet and has been kept in a refrigerator?

A question from an attorney in London.

News Story Of The Day: Dookie Facials

What company makes this cream? L'Orifice? Essence of Booty? Burt's B-hole?

From Vaniqua, via The Huffington Post.

Would You Put This Crap On Your Face?

Women have long been known to go to great lengths for that perfect, milky white and luminous complexion. But some New Yorkers are taking it just one step further.

According to the New York Post: For just $216, Shizuka Bernstein will slather your face in feces for a full 50 minutes - what she calls the "Geisha Facial" - at her Midtown spa, Shizuka New York.

The ancient Japanese cleanser - geishas and kabuki dancers have been using the bird poop to wash off their heavy white makeup since the 18th century - contains guanine, which supposedly removes pollutants and blackheads, and helps even out skin tone.


Tina Louise Photos Of The Day

TheMovieGuru linked me to this blog, where I found a few cool retro pics of Tina Louise (Ginger on "Gilligan's Island"). Mary Ann, my ass. Tina is HAWT.


Great Moments In Home Shopping TV

I love live TV

(From Tech TV, not home shopping, but it's too damn funny not to include)

Early Mike Rowe



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